Humor
Patagonia Catalog Copy Revised to Better Reflect My Lifestyle from McSweeney's: "Our moisture-wicking Microfiber Hoody will keep out the chill as you sink your ice-axe into a frozen waterfall — or as you stand paralyzed by indecision before your open freezer, debating whether to bake fish sticks or reduced-fat taquitos for your children’s dinner."
Lesser Known Writing Fellowships from McSweeney's: "The Purple House is the size of an elf’s garden shed, dusted with a fine patina of sand, and strewn with toy saucepans and plastic food."
"Lean In For Toddlers" from The New Yorker: "When your daughter spits a half-chewed raisin into your hand, points at your mouth, and says, 'Mama, eat!' she’s not indicating a dictatorial need for you to act out your subservience. She’s conserving corporate resources with an eye toward the bottom line."
Manic Pixie Dream Girl: The Spin Offs from The Rumpus: "After pointing out the futility of climbing the corporate ladder, the Clinically Depressed Pixie Dream Girl invites an uptight businessman into her blanket fort. She plays 'Famous Blue Raincoat' on the accordion and teaches him to fold health insurance claim forms into origami doves."
A Literary Agent's Manuscript Wish List from The Rumpus: "On the hunt for a manuscript that erases my dark spots and age lines. Bonus if it stops my parents from getting divorced in 1978."
The Runaway Bunny, as an Adult, Processes a Bout of Depression With His Mother from The Belladonna: "If you become an astronaut on the event horizon of a black hole, I will become a physicist, and harness dark matter to transform the black hole into a wormhole. Then we will cross the wormhole into a parallel universe where you feel better."
Hobby Lobby Protest Crafts from The Hairpin: "When the wage gap keeps you from affording a 'room of your own,' build one with a hot glue gun."
Short Stories
When Mystical Creatures Attack! "Journaling Prompt: Write a one-page story in which your favorite mystical creature resolves the greatest sociopolitical problem of our time."
Virtue of the Month "I know she drank her coffee black. I know she had high cheekbones and copper-colored hair. I know that she suffered from migraines, that she was diagnosed as manic-depressive, that she received electroshock therapy."
The Un-Game "I feel bad, Ms. Freedman. Plenty of teachers have thrown a terrarium out the window and shouted, “You’re driving me crazy!” But you’re the first who actually followed through."
Essays
When a Novel Isn't In the Cards from The Millions. "For years, my writing discipline was simple: I aimed for an hour a day. An obsessive reviser, I might spend that hour rearranging a single sentence."
When Your Favorite Writer Lets You Down from Buzzfeed Books. "If I had a Kurt Vonnegut saint candle, I would light it every time I opened a Word Document. That was until I had an experience akin to opening a box in my literary grandfather's attic and finding something utterly derailing."
My Thoughts Are Not My Thoughts from The Sun. "I know better than to trust my thoughts. I don’t even take them personally." (Side note: This essay is a pretty heavy. It's about bipolar disorder and intrusive thoughts.)
My Website for Saddos
When my graphic novel, Bipolar Bear and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Health Insurance, came out, I made a website for my fellow saddos: www.depressionwhackamole.com (I made this website in 2022 and the web design program I used to make it is no longer publishing updates, so it is a bit dated. I thought about just taking it down, but a college student in Oregan emailed me that she keeps it bookmarked on her phone and looks at it when she feels sad, so I'm leaving it up for now.)
